tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
