Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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