then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
