we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
