I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
