I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
