She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
