I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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