Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
