There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
