apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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