These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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