I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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