well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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