A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
