Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
