she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I believe in your delicious
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
