i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
