I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sorry my hands just texted you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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