My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
