That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
