bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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