she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
