I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
