i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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