Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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