Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
