Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
