Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So many bounce houses so little time
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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