i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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