I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
