That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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