She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i dont even know how to be here
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
