You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
