I CAN MOONWALK!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
