We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
