im six kinds of drunk right now
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
