Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
