You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
