so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have post one night stand depression
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