everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You made out with two different species that night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
