sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
