Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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