We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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