worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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