When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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