I'll bet she douches with gravy.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
