Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
