dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
