Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
