I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
