but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
