I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
