omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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