listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
