Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
