Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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