so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
