He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
