There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
