This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
