We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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