They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
