he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
