i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
