i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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