Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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