Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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