Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
