what day is it and did you see me today?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
