What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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