a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
