Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
