Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
