I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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