You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
